721 Down, 25 To Go.
In 25 days I am going to get on an airplane in Frankfurt. 17 hours later I am going to then get off that plane in Buenos Aires... A place where 721 days ago, from one day to the other, I had to escape, because some strange virus was starting to take over the world.
721 days of waiting and worrying. A constant pingpong of hope and despair. I am writing these lines and everything feels so unreal. It feels unreal, to think, that in 3,5 weeks I am going to see my bike again. And at the same time those past 721 days feel super unreal, because it feels like it has only been a few weeks and decades at the same time.
I am looking back on the picture of misery I was, when I got on that plane to Germany, back in march 2020. How I just couldn't cope with all the things that had happened The sexual assault on the way to Buenos Aires, arriving in a city, where shortly beforehand this strange virus had arrived. The state of emergency like hostel, with panicking backpackers. Too many thoughts, too many emotions and at the same time a paralyzing feeling of feeling nothing at all. The decision that had to me made - should I stay or should I go. The surprise visit by the cops and the following hours I spent at the station, to describe the sexual assault for the third time that day. And then the arrival in Germany. A strange, unknown pandemic-version of a country I didn't even want to be in, at that very moment. Hours and days, spent outside of my body, observing myself functioning, to not fall apart completely.
Some people ask me, if I am scared now - no, I am not scared. I am not scared, because I don't want the perpetrator to have that power over me. I am Lisa, I am a person that believes in the good in people, without any kind of prejudices, a person that has had far more positive experiences, than negative ones.
But I do know, that there will be moments in which I will be reacting different to before the assault, because this assault is now a part of my story. And I have worked very hard, to make my peace with that. I do worry about the feelings, that will come up, when laying in my tent for the first time, in which I was laying last, the night after the sexual assault. But I am well prepared. (Greetings and thanks go out to to my wonderful therapist) and I wont let anyone take away my love for adventure, my believe in good people and my happiness. Especially not from some man, who doesn't take no for an answer and thinks, he can just take what he wants.
I am looking back on 721 days and I am relieved and happy, that I made it through 100% of those days. (again: thank you, Mrs. Koch <3)